"Smacked Cucumber"

Ingredients

493 long cucumber
986 cloves garlic, pressed
739½ tbsp black vinegar
986 tsp light soy sauce
493 tbsp tahini
493 tsp sesame oil
493 pinch sugar
493 tbsp sichuan chilli oil

Method

Peel cucumber leaving alternating stripes
Cut cucumber in half
Quarter each half lengthways
Scoop out seeds
Bruise cucumber
Slice into inch-thick pieces
Whisk remaining ingredients into a sauce
Toss cucumbers in sauce and serve with chili oil